Working for a pest-control company, my husband likes to confirm his appointments the night before. One evening, he phoned a customer and said to the man who answered, "Hello. This is Barry Gooderson from the pest-control company. Your wife telephoned us". There was a silence for a moment and then my husband heard the man say, "Darling, someone wants to speak to you about your relatives."

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My mother took great pride in the family tree she had drawn. It was a green tree on which each family member had an apple bearing his or her name. When my sister got divorced, I wondered if my mother would remove the ex-husband's apple. She didn't. She just painted a worm where his name had been.

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At the gathering after a christening, I noticed a young woman approach the father of a newly christened baby. "Could I have a cuddle?" she cooed, looking at the child in his arms. "Of course," replied the father. "Just let me put the baby down first."

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I’m in contact with two researchers of the Goodison surname, Barry Goodison who lives in the UK and Pauline Goodison who lives in the U.S.A. A couple of years ago, Pauline came over to the UK to spend 3 weeks in the various records offices etc., and stayed some of the time with Barry and his family. Whilst on a jaunt down to the West Country for a few days to look at MIs etc., Barry and Pauline were invited to a social gathering one evening, where the host (who did not know that they were amateur genealogists) commented on the fact that they had the same surname and asked how they met. Quick as a flash, Pauline responded, "We met on the Internet - I was looking for a date." She waited a few seconds for the host's expression turn to one of astonished amazement as his gaze switched from Pauline to Barry and back again, before adding, "Yes. The date I was looking for was that of my great grandfather's death."

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Late one evening when I was working as an editor of an Irish newspaper, a last-minute obituary came in. Aware that there might not be any space left for it in the next edition, I sent it to the printer's annotated "space permitting".

The following day the obituary appeared in the paper. It read: "...may God have mercy on his soul and may he be with the angels in heaven, space permitting"

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"What's the secret of your outstanding success?" a reporter asked the Managing Director of a prominent British genealogical research company.

• "Two words"

• "And what are they?"

• "Right decisions."

• "And how do you make right decisions?"

• "One word."

• "And what is that?"

• "Experience."

• "And how do you get Experience?"

• "Two words"

• "And what are they?"

• "Wrong decisions"

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A professional genealogist was making a presentation to his American client.

Genealogist: "When your family set sail for the New World you came with an exceptionally large quantity of livestock."

Client: "Gee-Wow! I guess that means we were wealthy gentry."

Genealogist: "er.... not exactly. You didn't OWN the livestock. You just came with it."

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